Snaily to retire to Snellville Beach

We at Snellville Beach are so excited about our newest resident!

We are happy to announce that Snaily the Snellville Snail has chosen beautiful scenic Snellville Beach as his place of retirement. Snaily and his wife Shelly decided on Snellville Beach because of convenience (it's only 20 minutes away from wherever you are) and the quiet atmosphere of Snellville Beach.

At a press conference with no-one in attendance, our ever intrepid albeit slow-moving hero Snaily disclosed that he loves to hear the non-existent waves crash against the shoreline, while Shelly loves the idea of living at the beach without really being at an actual beach. No sand between the toes if she had any toes, that sort of thing. That can get itchy, and it's hard to find anyone with the time or patience to pick sand out from between a snail's toes with a toothpick.

Said Snaily,

"Well, lemme tell ya, Snellville's lifted the ban on Sunday alcohol sales in restaurants, and Snellville's been good to me, but now Snellville is just zipping along at such a pace it's PASSED me by. I'm ready to go somewhere and relax. Snellville appreciates me, and I appreciate Snellville - but the time has come to leave the past behind."

We are so excited that Snaily will be here with us. We may even be able to make an exception for Free Beach Towel Day and actually give out a beach towel for Snaily. Of course in his case, it would probably just be a Post-It Note, and we'll take a Crayola marker and draw some lines on it to make it look like a beach towel. Maybe Snaily will fall for it. All I know is we can't just give out actual imaginary beach towels or Post It Notes willy-nilly.

Ruh roh, is Snellville Beach freshwater or salt-water? It might be saltwater. [sound effect of intake of breath through teeth] Let us speak no more of this unpleasantness.

I think he'll be safe here inside this blog. CLICK HERE if you'd like to catch up or review the Ongoing Saga of Snaily the Snellville Snail. There won't be a test on this material, but it never hurts to study anyway.

UPDATE: The sale of the 2010 City of Snellville Christmas ornaments featuring the snail have been delayed. For more details, see MySnellvilleBlog.

Rumors of eclipse on Snellville Beach unfounded

I don't know if you noticed yesterday afternoon, but it appeared that we had an eclipse on Snellville Beach. For a full 10 minutes, the entire beach was in shadow. We were confused for awhile, because we hadn't heard anything about an eclipse happening. Then we realized it was just Dolores. Once she moved to the side, we had the sun again. But it's nice to know, if you ever need a shady spot for about 15 or so people, you can always go stand next to Dolores. Or me.

It's Tuesday afternoon at Snellville Beach

It's Tuesday afternoon at Snellville Beach! And you know what that means....That's right! It's Tuesday afternoon at Snellville Beach.

That only leads to it being Wednesday morning the next day.
Another day closer to Free Beach Towel Day. We're all very excited.

Good morning from Snellville Beach

Good morning, it's a beautiful day here on Snellville Beach.

I found a few people buried in the sand -

I saw Kim, and pulled her up so she could get to class. I saw Laura and Christy, and pulled them both up so they can sell more real estate. I saw Shawn and pulled him up so he could go back to work on some coding.

I saw Joren Van der Sloot. I threw some more sand on top & re-buried him, along with that damn Jumanji game.

Snellville Beach unscathed by oil

We've received some questions regarding Snellville Beach's oil status. So far, Snellville Beach has remained clear of any oil. We don't expect to have any issues with the oil in any case, since there is no way the oil from the BP spill disaster can get into our reader's computers. Snellville Beach is only in this blog, so we feel we can be reasonably safe, at least for now. Unless Tony Hayward comes to my house, drenches a sponge with oil, and squeezes it over my computer. Nah.

Snellville Beach Is Shark Free

If you heard about the Snellville teenager who was bitten by a shark while vacationing at a Jacksonville, Florida beach (she's okay now, by the way) - Snellville Beach wants to assure you that an incident like that would never occur at Snellville Beach.

Largely because it's fictional, Snellville Beach has always been shark-free. Snellville Beach will continue to remain shark free. So please, feel free to cavort in Snellville Beach's invisible water, safe in the knowledge that you will not provide an ankle sandwich for a toothy denizen of the deep.

Competition with Snellville Farmers' Market

Photo by Kevin Kitchens

We've certainly counted less visitors to Snellville Beach since the Snellville Farmers' Market started on Saturday mornings. That's basically because we have been over at the Snellville Farmers' Market, and not on the beach counting people.

But I still wonder why somebody would want to go shopping for organic, healthy salad ingredients - when they could be at Snellville Beach soaking up harmful UV rays.